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Stop shoulding on yourself!

I have recently came across a picture post on Facebook which was a To be list rather than a to do list….. It really resonated and I realised later that it was still in my mind….

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So, firstly I had a few moments of silent contemplation just simply asking myself – my inner wisdom and knowledge “what is it that I need to know about this” and then followed with some journaling.

An interesting exercise, through this exploration, I found that I have been “shoulding” myself – I should do this and I should do that…..

Shoulds and ought to’s come with such judgements and pressure.

The words “I should” are the most damaging words in our language.  Every time we use the word “should” we are making ourselves or someone else wrong. Either we were wrong, are wrong or are going to be wrong… We want to move away from this berating language and more towards a want to or a desire to do so.

So looking at my list to do….. My list of Shoulds – there are things that I feel are expected of me or if I don’t  complete these tasks it will create disapproval or disappointment towards me.
My list of Shoulds - there are things that I feel are expected of me or if I don't complete these tasks it will create disapproval or disappointment towards me Click To Tweet

 

There are also a few things on my list to do…my should list that are there out of fear….. What would happen if I didn’t do them? Would I fail? Would I not achieve my goals?  What would happen to me if I continued to do these things…..hmmmmmm!

Then I looked at my to be list… Joy, happy, peaceful, just be, calm, trusting….

All the things that made me feel true to me…. So with my to be list in hand I re checked my to do list…. How does each one make me feel? Is it really necessary to do? Does it help me towards my to be list? And if they do, how can I do this in a way that feels good to do this?

I am happy to say, that I dwindled my 8 items down to 4 . These are no longer over whelming, no longer feel like a chore and no longer makes me feel like I am berating myself or having to do this just to satisfy someone else.

 

So at the end of this process – I have found this a worthwhile exercise – one that I have done before but when you don’t consciously re-evaluate, it is easy to let those old habits and patterns creep back in.

 

I encourage you to look at you “should” list and re evaluate their worth and value to your authentic self.

 

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