Self Acceptance and Self Love are definitely the ultimate acts of Self Care…..
How do you get from pain and anguish and protecting yourself to actual acceptance?
There are many stories around acceptance and one that stands in my mind, was about a lady who was a victim of repeated domestic violence who made many excuses for her partners behaviour and although left him many times, also returned many times. The story evolves when she became very aware of the situation, was able to view it from an external perspective and accepted what was really going on. Once she accepted the truth she was able to make changes.
Someone that I have recently worked with describes their story as being brought up by an alcoholic mother, their description of childhood described long periods of neglect and every now and then “their mother would play at being a parent”. They themselves also became an addict in adult life and it was during their own treatment that they described gaining a new understanding – a new perspective – of the situation.
They described the situation their mother had been left in. They recognised that the pain and anguish she must have been going through was masking her ability to care for anyone least alone herself. They said that they could now understand the levels of shame and blame and guilt that she must have been going through because of their own actions and in doing so explained that they could finally accept that it was not anything to do with them – their mother hadn’t not loved them – she simply didn’t know how to express it within the turmoil of her own emotions.
They explained on finding this acceptance and understanding – this compassion – they have finally been able to set themselves free – they are no longer seeking the attention that their mother can not afford them, they are no longer behaving in ways that would self destruct because of their pain and shame…. they described how their life has finally been able to start with a freedom of choice that they have never had before.
I have previously had discussions in groups around whether you can have true acceptance or if there is always an element of just survival or resigning to a situation…. The discussions on this particular subject have always been interesting ones and they have pointed our that it is dependant on where people are on their own journey and what is going on in their lives or the past and old hurts that are still firmly being held and locked deep within; depends on their responses – and its true that all of these factors and many more will have a huge influence on our beliefs around this.
Resignation is survival - its hanging on with everything you have got. Acceptance is freedom...... your freedom to make choices, changes, evolve with no conditions Click To Tweet
For me, acceptance is definitely achievable and the only real way to set yourself free. True acceptance is empowering and freeing – it no longer holds any charged emotion around it or has any conditional pre conceived ideals…. as opposed to resigning yourself to a situation, there is attachment, the tight grip of the old hurts and pains are firmly at the forefront of the thoughts, feelings and behaviours processes and actions…. in actual fact it gives your power away – it can create further anger, sadness, resentments, feelings of failure, insignificance, unworthy and many more……
Resignation is survival – its hanging on with everything you have got
Acceptance is freedom…… your freedom to make choices, changes, evolve with no conditions
In my own life there have been lots of things that I have learnt to accept and there are loads of things that are still works in progress…. There are also many things that I think that I have accepted until they re-present in some manner and then I know that I have an opportunity to go deeper still to the core emotions and gently set my self free.
“Because one believes in oneself, one doesn’t try to convince others. Because one is content with oneself, one doesn’t need others’ approval.
Because one accepts oneself, the whole world accepts him or her.”
~ Lao Tzu
Often when we start to work on acceptance and the different elements that this may present – it is so easy to look at others, look at their idiosyncrasies and point our focus onto finding ways to accept others behaviours – when often this is simply a reflection of ourselves – a direct reflection or an inverted one.
A recent example of this was intolerance of others who may be aren’t as quick to understand a subject as ourselves, or ask too many questions, or take too long… or whatever the situation is – however it may only be you that is responding to this – it may only be you that has generated an irritation or disgruntlement around this…
So, it would be worth completing a gentle self enquiry as to what is really going on for you. This may enable you to accept yourself before focussing your attention onto others – you may also find once you acknowledge whats happening within and make steps to accept this – this irritation or lack of tolerance may even dissolve.
So a self enquiry for you this week is ;
What is the first thing that you need to accept in your life and if you did – how would this change things for you?
Use any form of expression, journal in full writing, bullet point, draw, colour, audio, talk to a friend……..
Remember this is not an opportunity for you to berate yourself in any way – its an opportunity to release what no longer serves you….
Till Next time
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