Hardwired for Connection

It is reported that social isolation is killing us……

Research finds that social connection improves physical health, psychological well-being and even longevity. Lack of social connection is as detrimental to our health as smoking.

Neuroscientist Matthew Lieberman explains that through his studies he’s learned that our kryptonite is ignoring the importance of our social superpowers and by building on our social intuition, we can make ourselves smarter, happier, and more productive. In this TEDx Talk, Lieberman explores groundbreaking research in social neuroscience that reveals that our need to connect with other people is even more fundamental than our need for food or shelter and that the social pain and pleasure we experience has just as much impact as physical pain and pleasure.


You would think with all the forms of communication today that we would have more connection than ever – but this is not the case – there are reports of more social isolation than ever.  High percentages of elderly living on their own and rarely seeing another person.

Then there is disconnection with ourselves – and when we disconnect with ourselves, we can find if more difficult to also connect with others – social isolation can be a source of depressed feelings and loneliness.

“We are hardwired to connect with others, it’s what gives purpose and meaning to our lives, and without it there is suffering.” — Brené Brown Click To Tweet

Brene Brown says that to connect is in our DNA – we cannot survive without this. Its what gives us purpose and meaning in our lives.

Patricia Crane says that in the greatest sense, our purpose and meaning is to love everyone unconditionally and to be of service.

So what does it mean to have connection with others?

One response is

“You feel comfortable being yourself. When you have a strong connection with someone, you feel comfortable being your real self. That doesn’t mean that you have to pour out all of your deepest, darkest feelings all at once, but it does mean that you aren’t constantly policing what you say and how you act.”

We often use that those words – I felt connection with that person – or we just seemed to connect …. but actually delving deeper as to what that means for you – how it makes you feel – how comfortable that makes you and or you authentic you feel you can be.  And if this is about feeling totally comfortable, being able to speak form the heart without fears of lacking, being good enough or simply being judged….. out of the people in your life – how many of these do you have this genuine connection with?

Heather Plett says that without knowing who we really are, how can we expect to be able to find our own tribe – we don’t know  who we are looking for……  how true is that – and how well do we really know ourselves?

Belonging, feeling safe and being true to ourselves are all must haves in our lives – however we often learn to give up our own individuality, our own quirkiness, our idiosyncrasies, our own authentic self – so that we can fit it, so we don’t upset anyone and get shouted at, so we can please, so we can be accepted – we become chameleons and mould ourselves to what feels like the “norm” mould…. and we forget who we are… but we feel like we belong and are accepted and feel safe……. until one day we realise that actually we don’t even feel that…… and we become restless, unsure of ourselves – we realise that we have disconnected with ourselves and we can feel lost and alone…….

It doesn’t feel like it at the time – but what a revelation!

Having this awareness gives you the opportunity to get to know yourself, you wants, your needs and your desires……. its your chance to evolve your life – to surrender the parts that no longer feel right for you and to simply let the real you emerge.. You may feel lost and disconnected at the time – but its during these periods of time that we learn about ourselves – that we can take stock and navigate our way back to connection – to ourselves.


Food for thought!


Best wishes


Maria ~♥~



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